Dilbert - 'At the Workplace'

• I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.


• I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.


• I don't have an attitude problem. YOU have a perception problem.


• My reality cheque bounced.


• On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.


• I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.


• Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.


• Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.


• A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.


• Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.


• Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.


• There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.


• If at first you don't succeed......skydiving isn't for you.


• Life is a waste of time; time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.


• When everything is coming your way.....you're in the wrong lane

Double Dose!

2-3 yrs of no rains & when it does, it gets dumped in one go over a small area in a short span of time with arrears & interest included. Its no time to be happy for some. I am personally worried as my home in Chennai is under 4 inches of water with the forecasts said to be getting worse from now. The thought of my parents battling nature's fury alone is unsettling. While it will be a long time before we start seeing people queueing before water lorries, it leaves a lot of immediate aftershocks that few realise. A lot of waterborne diseases are going to be the scourge of the season. Some people who were depending on this Diwali season for their livelihood by selling firecrackers will be left dissappointed. The economic productivity of the local/state economy is affected as offices shut down. Insurance companies feel the pinch with claims especially in motor insurance expected to go up by 30% this month. The damage caused to infrastructure puts further pressure on the exchequer. And of course, lives are lost, which in most cases are the poor or the homeless. Only the school children may have something to cheer with their holidays being extended into the diwali season. But with most open spaces indundated with rain, I am sure that they too would be at a loss to explain how they could be happy when all they can do in the name of stretching their legs is stay at home. So there is really nothing to be happy about in the short term. Unless, you are a very positive person & you look at the whole incident as a temporary inconvenience. A measured dose of anything is good. This Double Dose is bad. Lets hope mother earth does not OD on it and suffer a serious haemorrage.

Analyze This!

It was late in the evening on the 15th Of October. It had been raining & I was just returning home after spending a leisurely saturday with friends. I was on my bike and I slowed down as I saw the traffic accumulating at the Red light ahead. I was dead in the middle of traffic ensconced on all sides by motorists all eager to get home before another downpour. I turned my head to the left and I see the familiar Khaki wading right into the serpentine maze. He seems to be talking to the guy in front of me. Obviously satisfied by the answers he received he had already started turning away. Normally I would have panicked as my Bike was AP-registered (see previous post of mine). But recently I had put all my papers in order and so I sat there with a smirk on my face. So like I was saying, the cop was turning away & he saw the alphabets 'AP' on my bike and with a salivating look on his face, walked up to me. He said - 'Helmet Remove Panunga'. A little apprehensive now, I slowly undid the helmet strap and looked him straight in the eye. What he told me next totally consumed me. He said- 'blow' & put his nose close to my mouth. I looked at him & said- 'WHAT?'. He said again- 'Blow' and pushed his nose into my space with an expectant look of a worshiper extending his hands forward for some prasad. By then, I was amused, and all apprehension vanished & I gave him my best blow of breath as I could. He seemed to have some look, post that, as if trying to analyse whether the fermented smell of digested 'chicken, coffee, fried rice' etc coming from my bowels constituted a bizzare form of alcohol. Seemingly satisfied he walked away. By then the light turned green and I was already smiling to myself as I imagined the cop handing me a ticket for bad breath and advising me to have less onions in my diet. While I was amused, please do not think I am heartless. I did feel sorry for the cop/s who have to analyse the various gastric concoctions of the average Indian motorist in this bizarre way in the absence of breath analyzers that are available in the west.

Of Bikes, Enron & the Law

Has anybody ever told you to do something wrong or criminal? If you, stuck to your morals then, that probably showed the strength of your character. There was a period in my life when I tried to follow the book of ethics to the letter. Even if I walked in 'blank' to the examination hall, I promised myself that I would never cheat (a.k.a copy). I thought I could carry this easily over on to the real world once I graduate, earn, stand on my own legs, pay my bills etc. But its easier said than done. Its been tough. For e.g I had promised myself that I would never ever bribe or accept bribes. But the day came when a cop caught me for parking in a 'no-parking' zone. To top that charge, I didn't have insurance, emission certificate & I hadn't even paid the Karnataka road tax. He threatened me with an hefty fine of around 1200 Rs. I buckled & I eventually paid around 700 Rs in bribe. Due in part to my own laziness & negligence I have ended up paying up further bribes till about a month ago, when I got all my papers in order. I am sure, very few people will have the moral strength to say that I have done wrong & I will pay for it, no matter what the cost. To the rest of us, the only solution, before we transcend to that zone, is to probably try our best to stick to the right side of the morality/law at all times so that an opportunity never arises, for our morals or ethics to be tested. If you still haven't understood whats the relation between the comic strip & whats been written, its this- "If you cannot maintain your morals & ethics in small things how will you maintain them in bigger issues". I am sure that Bernard Ebbers or Kenneth Lay, the erstwhile CEO's of Worldcom & Enron respectively didn't turn crooks overnight. I am sure it all started perhaps in some small ways as stealing their schoolmates lunch boxes.

The Beach

I had written this poem while pursuing my MBA in Manipal. The place has some amazing coastline. Goa style shacks that serve some amazing cuisine, beach football, dipping in the sea etc are what i remember now. But what stands out is the lone lighthouse on one of the beaches, the rocks surrounding it and my friends & me sitting on the wave beaten rocks watching the sunset...............

Been on the road long
Me & my machine.
Memories rising, once lay buried
While the sun sets in my life.

I called, “Honey I will be home”,
Just a few days more,
Got to run through my life
And live those good ‘ol times once more.

The oceans now at my side,
Flashes of memories & I sigh
Walk up to the old beachcombers home
A man of wisdom & lore.

His face lights up when he sees me,
“Long time son”, he in love greets
I feel young in his thoughts,
As we stroll down the beach.

He points at our footprints,
And says, “Son, an hour & it will not be”
The tides of time sweeps away memories
The good, bad & the ugly.
At peace you are now, when you look ahead,
Not fearing the scars, left behind.

We sat on the rocks beaten by
Waves in stubborn determination
Watching a ship tossed navigating
Guided by a lone lighthouse.
O captain brave, a friend somewhere
Is looking out for you, till you anchor weigh.

Its late in the evening now
Got a wife to go back to
I close my eyes & get a final whiff
Hear sounds of Ol’ friends,
Playing in water & sand,
Now in lands & seas between
Goodbye, good old beach of mine.

Bored?

Yes! I am! and I have no idea what to do about it. Anything I do becomes routine after a point. So is something wrong with me or is it just life? Tried my hand at french classes & quit that after it became 'routine'. Tried my hand at gymming & though I have not quit that, its 'just exercise'. Going to movies has become the 'weekend' routine. In fact the initial thrill of being in 'namma bengalooru' has been replaced by boredom. So much so that the same set of pals I meet with in Bangalore, go to Chennai & meet up there. As if the change in location would make life interesting. Office has always been routine. And even reading sometimes does. Here is a list of things that could happen right now that could break this routine,

1. My super-boss looking over my shoulder & taking me to task for whiling away time in writing blogs.
2. My client calling me up to offer me a million dollar deal.
3. I look out of the window & I see 'Godzilla' zipping by.
4. Somebody smokes in the cubicle, setting off the sprinkler system & we have an impromptu rain dance.
5. I get a call from ALL credit card companies offering me a 'free' credit card but which this time means I can buy anything & not have to pay back.
6. I somehow get transported into movies when i want it instead of just watching it.

What outrageous thing could happen to you at this moment that could break your routine & stay etched in your memory for life? Let me know! But me being me - I might just look out the window tomorrow, turn to my cubicle-mate & say, "Its just Godzilla".

Uncles & Aunts

Let the topic not mislead you. I am not going to launch into a lengthy discourse on the idiosyncracies of the extended family. Rather would like to focus on an aspect of the Indian culture that makes us 'extend' our already 'extended' families. Let me put forth a question now. What do you call the parents of your friends/acquaintences who are not related to you by blood. Would you refer to them as Mr./Mrs. (surname) or as 'uncle' & 'aunty'. I believe if you are reasonably rooted in the Indian culture, you are likely to use the latter in your language. The funny thing is that this 'uncle' & 'aunty' does not mean the same as the blood related 'uncle' & 'aunty' even though you do not prefix or suffix anything in usage. The user & the receiver of such warmth does perceive the difference & is comfortable with the same. Personally as a kid I never found it odd. But at my age now, I find it odd. But the flip side is that I would make it worse for all concerned if I have to refer to my friend's parents as Mr. or Mrs. 'so & so'. It states a certain formality that as Indians we are not comfortable with and would perhaps mislead the receiver to perceive a certain 'coldness' on your part. So in any such situation what I generally do, is what makes the 'THEM' comfortable. Close friends parents obviously get sucked into the vortex of my familial connections by virtue of their closeness. And in the rest I do what generally makes 'ME' more comfortable. What do you think? For a totally unrelated blog-post on the topic 'Uncle', read- http://maduraiarian.blogspot.com/2005/10/maamaaanthaa-ball-kodu.html

You have a story to tell too!

I had written this first poem of my life when I was thinking about my life, about making a difference & about achieving something. I am sure that all of us at some point have walked this path. This poem takes me through a journey of despair to a promise of hope that we all need to cling to.

Just another day I said to myself

Lifes for the rich and bejeweled

People like me don’t matter

This world isn't getting better

Been here for long I mused

Still roaming without being enthused

So many questions in my brain

Oh God! Am I going insane?

Every morning I face myself

Try to pump in energy and verse

But still I hang over the cliff

The balance just stays stiff

The clock seems to be ticking

Soon the bucket I will be kicking
But the thought of me hollow

The debts I leave- gives me sorrow

Wanna owe nothing to no one

Giving all and only taking some

But it ain’t happening my way

Oh dear God, help me, I pray!

Many before me have walked this road

Carrying borne-guilt, such a heavy load.

Crushed beneath, they never rose

But I ain’t grinding to the ground my nose

Thought I didn’t have a story to tell

A book on my life would never sell

Who would be interested in your tale

My pal to the coffin hit the final nail

Assumed I couldn’t make a difference

Till a passing smile of assurance

Lifted a waning lifes spirit

Jumping he hugged me in a iron clad grip

Now I know I have it in me

I am as important as can be

A book I will in certainty write

The story of my life day and night

Somewhere we all have, hope; a friend

Courage (when) in distress he sends

And in sure finery he descends

When in all faithfulness one is bent

So take my hand God I pray

Till to the ground my head I lay

And my soul crosses the threshold

From this world thats grown so cold.