Its me!

So who am I really? Is there something about me that is really 'Me'; something unique? Am I product of happenstance, a series of accidental encounters with artists of destiny, each adding his touch to his vision of a masterpiece. Or am I like the floyd number goes- 'Another brick in the Wall'. As I keep delving into this, I realize that we are all probably just a hop-scotch of the caricatures of people, images & experiences that we have run into at various points of life. Its logical you see. Your facial charecteristics, your body, your skin color is just a mixture of your Mom & Dad's genetic signatures. You learnt your morals through your parents morals or God's inbuilt conscience. The way you talk, the language you speak, the words you choose were all learnt from your social circles. Your interests, your hobbies also is dependent on influences of youth. Your idea of romance, marriage, parenting etc is either ingrained from experiences of your own family or some warped sense of it from the countless hollywood movies or books being churned out. In other words we are all a pot pouri, a melange of scents accumulated over time each indistinguishable from the other. The individual scents were probably unique at some time, but when I cannot say. I saw a movie recently where the heroine suddenly makes some wierd nasal noises and contorts funnily . She answers her guy's incredulous look by saying that every now & then she tries to do something really unique & its satisfying knowing that she is probably the only one who ever did that. Funny! But meaningful in the sense that all of us like artists are trying to carve our niche out in this world, each promoting the brand 'me', discovering & reinventing. Me, I am resigned to the fact that life gives me an opportunity to be an expert perfumer to mix & match scents, some bad and some good and everywhere along the road I recreate magic by creating unique blends; a pot pourri, but nevertheless pleasant and soothing to everyone who passes me by.

Of Bikes, Enron & the Law

Has anybody ever told you to do something wrong or criminal? If you, stuck to your morals then, that probably showed the strength of your character. There was a period in my life when I tried to follow the book of ethics to the letter. Even if I walked in 'blank' to the examination hall, I promised myself that I would never cheat (a.k.a copy). I thought I could carry this easily over on to the real world once I graduate, earn, stand on my own legs, pay my bills etc. But its easier said than done. Its been tough. For e.g I had promised myself that I would never ever bribe or accept bribes. But the day came when a cop caught me for parking in a 'no-parking' zone. To top that charge, I didn't have insurance, emission certificate & I hadn't even paid the Karnataka road tax. He threatened me with an hefty fine of around 1200 Rs. I buckled & I eventually paid around 700 Rs in bribe. Due in part to my own laziness & negligence I have ended up paying up further bribes till about a month ago, when I got all my papers in order. I am sure, very few people will have the moral strength to say that I have done wrong & I will pay for it, no matter what the cost. To the rest of us, the only solution, before we transcend to that zone, is to probably try our best to stick to the right side of the morality/law at all times so that an opportunity never arises, for our morals or ethics to be tested. If you still haven't understood whats the relation between the comic strip & whats been written, its this- "If you cannot maintain your morals & ethics in small things how will you maintain them in bigger issues". I am sure that Bernard Ebbers or Kenneth Lay, the erstwhile CEO's of Worldcom & Enron respectively didn't turn crooks overnight. I am sure it all started perhaps in some small ways as stealing their schoolmates lunch boxes.

You have a story to tell too!

I had written this first poem of my life when I was thinking about my life, about making a difference & about achieving something. I am sure that all of us at some point have walked this path. This poem takes me through a journey of despair to a promise of hope that we all need to cling to.

Just another day I said to myself

Lifes for the rich and bejeweled

People like me don’t matter

This world isn't getting better

Been here for long I mused

Still roaming without being enthused

So many questions in my brain

Oh God! Am I going insane?

Every morning I face myself

Try to pump in energy and verse

But still I hang over the cliff

The balance just stays stiff

The clock seems to be ticking

Soon the bucket I will be kicking
But the thought of me hollow

The debts I leave- gives me sorrow

Wanna owe nothing to no one

Giving all and only taking some

But it ain’t happening my way

Oh dear God, help me, I pray!

Many before me have walked this road

Carrying borne-guilt, such a heavy load.

Crushed beneath, they never rose

But I ain’t grinding to the ground my nose

Thought I didn’t have a story to tell

A book on my life would never sell

Who would be interested in your tale

My pal to the coffin hit the final nail

Assumed I couldn’t make a difference

Till a passing smile of assurance

Lifted a waning lifes spirit

Jumping he hugged me in a iron clad grip

Now I know I have it in me

I am as important as can be

A book I will in certainty write

The story of my life day and night

Somewhere we all have, hope; a friend

Courage (when) in distress he sends

And in sure finery he descends

When in all faithfulness one is bent

So take my hand God I pray

Till to the ground my head I lay

And my soul crosses the threshold

From this world thats grown so cold.