Humor me!

Nobody wants to look stupid. Everybody to some degree derive their sense of worth from the opinions, views & comments of people that speak about or into their lives. Growing up I have noticed that every group setting whether in school, college or communities like church, deteriorate at some point to become a setting for one-upmanship. I do not know how it is among women, but I assume this is not restricted to the men. I can recall countless times, I myself have pandered like a court jester to the popular taste of the crowd, even as I cut down like a ruthless gladiator, the spirit of the person in front of me. I was reading an article today that convicted me of my own short-comings in this area. Here is an excerpt-

"Innocent" jests that inflict minor wounds have become accepted practice in every setting, from sporting events to church socials. We're exposed to a culture of trash talking, one-upmanship, and a false masculinity reinforced by every macho stereotype in society. If someone gives a man a verbal jab, he has to come up with a better one. The man who isn't quick enough with his comeback skulks away as the loser while the "guys" pat the glib-tongued winner on the back.

The words that struck me the most was 'false masculinity'. The problem is not that everybody wants to be a 'hero', 'the man of the moment', 'the happening guy', 'the cool witty dude'. The problem is that everybody wants to be that, at the expense of others. I remember times in school, college when discussions, arguments, the group etc could be won over by the most glib talking, loud mouthed, invective-spitting, XXX-rated speech guy. It took a lot of gritting of my teeth and patience to not resort to the same. Did I look stupid? Yes! Was I the hapenning guy? No!. But I am happy that I didn't call people names, didn't destroy their spirit, didn't abuse them or their dear ones in jest. To this day I can't understand how some people could use abuses like 'ar^$h#l$' & 'MF' as a 'greeting'. The problem is even more apparent when the recepient seems to approve the usage directed at him.

Just today I came back from meeting a few friends and found that I had done the same. While I don't abuse, I found that I take my wittiness a little far sometimes. One-upmanship, especially in humor, where it puts down the other person is not humor. The challenge I must say, is to throw my hands up & say- 'You got Me' and not get into a war of witty words that have the ability of surreptitiously slipping into sexual innuendoes, abuses, back-biting and pushing the limits of one's moral code. Is it difficult? Yes! But not impossible. To tackle this deeply rooted problem, the article gives a funny twist to the classic style of the movie 'Mission Impossible' as we craft a mission for men:

"Good afternoon, Mr. Phelps. It seems that a wild beast is loose in the dark regions of your mouth. It has the ability to spew acidic venom, causing the rapid breakdown of harmony in your relationships. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, requires you to tame this tantrum-throwing, invective-spitting, complaint-mumbling tyrant—your tongue. As usual, once your tongue begins to speak consistently with grace and kindness, your mission will be complete. Good luck, Jim."

A word rashly spoken cannot be brought back by a chariot and four horses.—Chinese Proverb

The Animal in Us!

I was having coffee at the Cafe Coffee Day outlet on 100 feet road with Pradeep, a friend of mine. It was supposed to be a quiet evening in Bangalore for me after a busy 10 days of travel to Kolkota. Ten minutes into our conversation we hear a commotion outside. Two of the customers were beating a third one with his girlfriend alongside pleading that they be left alone. (I later learnt that the girlfriend had complained to her scrawny boyfriend that the two hefty guys at the next table were staring at her. The scrawny boyfriend had in a fit of madness demanded that they refrain from the same; maybe in a not so polite way). Anyways the scrawny boyfriend was getting thrashed by these well dressed goondas as passers-by and cafe coffee day executives tried to prevent further violence. One of the goondas got hold of a garbage lid as a weapon. The poor boy was bleeding profusely. I had by then also gone out to help sort this out. Just when we thought all had quietened down and I had returned to my chair, it erupted again. The two men threatened an auto driver with dire consequences if he spirited the couple away. Finally one clenched fist uppercut knocked the poor guy into a ditch. By then the two guys were also spent and the couple caught a auto quickly and made good their escape. Personally I thought that I could have done a lot more than I did to stop that violence. But the apathy of the elite educated crowd sitting in the cafe, coolly sipping coffee and watching the violence unfold in front of their eyes will always be etched in my mind as an uncaring numbness that paralyzes our knees when the time comes to stand up and aid a fellow human in need. But the lesson that stood out that day was the realization that there is an animal in us, that believes in violence than the power of dialogue, an animal that is lurking in the dark recesses of an uncharted mind; that has the capability to unleash mayhem and hurt on all those around in a selfish act of self-preservation. The evening had too much energy for me and I was in a contemplative mood on my way home. I felt secure in my space, with a book in my hand.

Crossroads

Every now & then, one is faced with a few major decisions to make in life, the outcome of which could take the protagonist down any one of multiple uncertain paths. My first showdown at the crossroads was when I had to decide if I would stay on in St.Stephens, Delhi, to pursue a B.Sc Physics (Hons) degree or come back to base at Chennai to pursue an engineering degree in a nondescript local college. I favoured the former about a decade back and here I am, having done my MBA consequently and working in a Software firm in Bangalore. It wasn't scary at that time 'coz I knew that I would be doing a MBA eventually. But it was a big decision nevertheless for a 16 year old to make. The crossroad dilemna is much more stark when one talks about relocation, marriage, career changes etc. A friend of mine has got all three of them now at one shot and its hard to imagine his thought process. It takes some gumption to take hold of the reins in one's life & steer one way or another. Iron clad conviction is rare I guess, but hope & determination more than make up for that. Sometimes the very act of making a decision at the crossroads can be a defining moment. I learnt at my crossroad to be responsible for my decisions, my actions and that went a long way in standing on my own legs & being independent. But somewhere down that path, some of us toy with the 'What Ifs'. John could ask himself- 'What if I had accepted that job offer?' Sharon could ask herself- 'What if she had said yes to Murphy for marriage'. I asked myself a question sometime back, when reflecting on the years of struggle after b-school. I asked myself- "What if I had accepted the job offers I had got on campus, instead of gambling it away". But then I realized that it just doesn't make sense. You can only weigh in wisdom the consequences of your decisions & go ahead. Sometimes they turn out great, sometimes just about fine & sometimes bad. You just live with that and probably at the next crossroad, the deal may be favorable to you or maybe someone UP there who loves you may light up your runway as you take off.

Double Dose!

2-3 yrs of no rains & when it does, it gets dumped in one go over a small area in a short span of time with arrears & interest included. Its no time to be happy for some. I am personally worried as my home in Chennai is under 4 inches of water with the forecasts said to be getting worse from now. The thought of my parents battling nature's fury alone is unsettling. While it will be a long time before we start seeing people queueing before water lorries, it leaves a lot of immediate aftershocks that few realise. A lot of waterborne diseases are going to be the scourge of the season. Some people who were depending on this Diwali season for their livelihood by selling firecrackers will be left dissappointed. The economic productivity of the local/state economy is affected as offices shut down. Insurance companies feel the pinch with claims especially in motor insurance expected to go up by 30% this month. The damage caused to infrastructure puts further pressure on the exchequer. And of course, lives are lost, which in most cases are the poor or the homeless. Only the school children may have something to cheer with their holidays being extended into the diwali season. But with most open spaces indundated with rain, I am sure that they too would be at a loss to explain how they could be happy when all they can do in the name of stretching their legs is stay at home. So there is really nothing to be happy about in the short term. Unless, you are a very positive person & you look at the whole incident as a temporary inconvenience. A measured dose of anything is good. This Double Dose is bad. Lets hope mother earth does not OD on it and suffer a serious haemorrage.

Of Bikes, Enron & the Law

Has anybody ever told you to do something wrong or criminal? If you, stuck to your morals then, that probably showed the strength of your character. There was a period in my life when I tried to follow the book of ethics to the letter. Even if I walked in 'blank' to the examination hall, I promised myself that I would never cheat (a.k.a copy). I thought I could carry this easily over on to the real world once I graduate, earn, stand on my own legs, pay my bills etc. But its easier said than done. Its been tough. For e.g I had promised myself that I would never ever bribe or accept bribes. But the day came when a cop caught me for parking in a 'no-parking' zone. To top that charge, I didn't have insurance, emission certificate & I hadn't even paid the Karnataka road tax. He threatened me with an hefty fine of around 1200 Rs. I buckled & I eventually paid around 700 Rs in bribe. Due in part to my own laziness & negligence I have ended up paying up further bribes till about a month ago, when I got all my papers in order. I am sure, very few people will have the moral strength to say that I have done wrong & I will pay for it, no matter what the cost. To the rest of us, the only solution, before we transcend to that zone, is to probably try our best to stick to the right side of the morality/law at all times so that an opportunity never arises, for our morals or ethics to be tested. If you still haven't understood whats the relation between the comic strip & whats been written, its this- "If you cannot maintain your morals & ethics in small things how will you maintain them in bigger issues". I am sure that Bernard Ebbers or Kenneth Lay, the erstwhile CEO's of Worldcom & Enron respectively didn't turn crooks overnight. I am sure it all started perhaps in some small ways as stealing their schoolmates lunch boxes.