Nobody wants to look stupid. Everybody to some degree derive their sense of worth from the opinions, views & comments of people that speak about or into their lives. Growing up I have noticed that every group setting whether in school, college or communities like church, deteriorate at some point to become a setting for one-upmanship. I do not know how it is among women, but I assume this is not restricted to the men. I can recall countless times, I myself have pandered like a court jester to the popular taste of the crowd, even as I cut down like a ruthless gladiator, the spirit of the person in front of me. I was reading an article today that convicted me of my own short-comings in this area. Here is an excerpt-
"Innocent" jests that inflict minor wounds have become accepted practice in every setting, from sporting events to church socials. We're exposed to a culture of trash talking, one-upmanship, and a false masculinity reinforced by every macho stereotype in society. If someone gives a man a verbal jab, he has to come up with a better one. The man who isn't quick enough with his comeback skulks away as the loser while the "guys" pat the glib-tongued winner on the back.
The words that struck me the most was 'false masculinity'. The problem is not that everybody wants to be a 'hero', 'the man of the moment', 'the happening guy', 'the cool witty dude'. The problem is that everybody wants to be that, at the expense of others. I remember times in school, college when discussions, arguments, the group etc could be won over by the most glib talking, loud mouthed, invective-spitting, XXX-rated speech guy. It took a lot of gritting of my teeth and patience to not resort to the same. Did I look stupid? Yes! Was I the hapenning guy? No!. But I am happy that I didn't call people names, didn't destroy their spirit, didn't abuse them or their dear ones in jest. To this day I can't understand how some people could use abuses like 'ar^$h#l$' & 'MF' as a 'greeting'. The problem is even more apparent when the recepient seems to approve the usage directed at him.
Just today I came back from meeting a few friends and found that I had done the same. While I don't abuse, I found that I take my wittiness a little far sometimes. One-upmanship, especially in humor, where it puts down the other person is not humor. The challenge I must say, is to throw my hands up & say- 'You got Me' and not get into a war of witty words that have the ability of surreptitiously slipping into sexual innuendoes, abuses, back-biting and pushing the limits of one's moral code. Is it difficult? Yes! But not impossible. To tackle this deeply rooted problem, the article gives a funny twist to the classic style of the movie 'Mission Impossible' as we craft a mission for men:
"Good afternoon, Mr. Phelps. It seems that a wild beast is loose in the dark regions of your mouth. It has the ability to spew acidic venom, causing the rapid breakdown of harmony in your relationships. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, requires you to tame this tantrum-throwing, invective-spitting, complaint-mumbling tyrant—your tongue. As usual, once your tongue begins to speak consistently with grace and kindness, your mission will be complete. Good luck, Jim."
A word rashly spoken cannot be brought back by a chariot and four horses.—Chinese Proverb
